Nice View
by Tropicalna
Summary: “So how does it feel to be defeated by an enemy and then saved by them, Grimmjow?” Nnoitra sneered. After a moment of thought, Grimmjow replied, “Well, I think I have a nice view down here.” Crack!Fic, Slight Ichigo/Grimmjow, slight Ichigo/Nnoitra


**Nice View**

"**So how does it feel to be defeated by an enemy and then saved by them, Grimmjow?" Nnoitra sneered. After a moment of thought, Grimmjow replied, "Well, I think I have a nice view down here." Crack!Fic, Slight Ichigo/Grimmjow, slight Ichigo/Nnoitra**

**Every time I see Ichigo defend Grimmjow from Nnoitra, I have always had the thought that Grimmjow must have really had a **_**nice**_** view of Ichigo's ass. This is the result of those musings.**

**Disclaimer**

**The Bleach cast does not belong to me, they belong to Tite Kubo.**

**Anything that does not belong in Bleach belongs to me, unless said otherwise.**

**Key**

**"**Word**" Speaking**

**'**_Thought_**' Thinking**

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_**I just tried to eat my milk with a fork. Needless to say, it didn't go too well.**_

_-Me, in an MSN Conversation_

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"Hah! What is this shit, Grimmjow?" Nnoitra sneered, standing a few feet away from where Ichigo stood in a protective stance where Grimmjow lay. "First the enemy kicks your ass, and then you let them save your life? What's goin' on in that head of yours?"

Ichigo glanced at Grimmjow, who was staring listlessly up at him. After a moment, Grimmjow finally said, "Well, I certainly have a nice view of a fine ass down here."

Ichigo inhaled sharply and glared at the teal-haired arrancar. He had just saved Grimmjow's life, and he has the _nerve_ to call his ass fine!

However, Nnoitra actually seemed interested. "Fine ass? As in fuckable?"

"Certainly seems that way." Grimmjow said, tilting his head a bit to get a better look under Ichigo's gravity-defying trench-coat.

(Off scene Seto Kaiba was being dragged away, screaming how he was going to sue Ichigo for copy-right issues.)

Ichigo growled and grabbed the edge of his cloak, yanking it down so that it blocked Grimmjow's view of his behind. His face was tinged red from embarrassment.

"Oh, move that cloak out of the way." Grimmjow said. "If I'm going to die I might as well as die looking at something as nice as your ass."

"I'll switch places with you Grimmjow." Nnoitra said.

The panther scoffed. "Not a chance, Nnoitra. He's _my_ prey." There was a definite tone of possessiveness in his voice.

"I wasn't aware I belonged to anybody." Ichigo drawled, becoming cross.

Grimmjow grinned up at the Vaizard towering over him. "Oh, you will soon enough, if we ever get out of this alive."

"I didn't know you were gay, Grimmjow." The red-head retorted, although very disturbed by the man's comment. '_Soon enough?_' "Are all the Espada like this?"

"Eh, pretty much." Nnoitra leaned against his scythe. "I mean, there's not much to do here, 'cept maybe fuck and fight, and if you're Stark, it's sleeping. But you're a male too, so you'll be able to sympathize with us, right? When a hot chick comes your way, you wanna just take her and fuck her right then and there, huh?"

Ichigo flushed a bright red, eyes darting to glance at a suddenly very interesting rock in the sand. "I-I'm not like that! I don't know about you guys, but I certainly don't think that!"

"Oho!" Grimmjow grinned widely. "He's naïve! And a virgin! I always like it when they're virgins."

Nnoitra nodded. "They always scream the loudest. They're also very tight when you enter them~!" He glanced pervertedly at the Vaizard.

Ichigo scowled at them both. "Perverts."

"No, not perverts." Nnoitra tilted his head back. "More like deprived. Aizen doesn't allow us to go to the human world and find us someone to bang."

Grimmjow spoke up again. "And Halibel is very reserved, so no chance there. Any arrancar chick that comes along is usually plucked up by Ulquiorra, all the others are fuck ugly."

"So why not just screw them anyways?" Ichigo asked, sticking Tensa Zangetsu back into the sand and resting an elbow on it.

Grimmjow raised an teal eyebrow and smirked. "Yep, definitely a virgin." Nnoitra snickered in amusement.

"Oh, shut up." Ichigo looked away, face flushed yet again.

"But back to the topic at hand," Grimmjow raised his hands to rest his head on, "your ass."

"I would appreciate it if we stayed _away_ from my ass." Ichigo growled, tugging his cloak down once more self-consciously.

Nnoitra grinned. "But it's certainly superior to the all other ones I've seen. Not flabby at all, and it looks pretty firm."

Grimmjow nodded his agreement. "Right size cheeks too. Hey, would you bend over for us for more examination?"

"Fuck you!" Came the automatic response.

"Why, I'd love to!" Grimmjow smirked up at Ichigo, who was glaring daggers of death at him.

"Not unless I get him first, Kitty." Nnoitra said, taking a step towards them both. Ichigo tensed and gripped Tensa Zangetsu's hilt, prepared to fend off his suddenly interested suitors.

Grimmjow struggled to a sitting position, glaring at the fifth Espada.. "Oh, scram, ya little bug. I found him first."

Nnoitra snarled, but before it could escalate into a fight, they were suddenly interrupted by a timid cough and all three glanced to see Inoue Orihime, who had been completely forgotten up until that point.

"Ummm…." She shifted nervously. "Weren't you supposed to be fighting?"

Nnoitra blinked and glanced at Grimmjow. "Oh yea. And you were supposed to be dying."

"I was." Grimmjow flopped back down. "But that doesn't mean this is over, Nnoitra."

"Anytime, Grimmjow." Nnoitra smirked, hefting his Zanpakuto back onto his shoulder.

Ichigo sighed, relieved that they were now over the topic of his bottom.

"Right well, uh…." Nnoitra straightened and gripped his scythe tightly, quickly getting in-character again. "What is your name, Shinigami?"

"It's- Eeee!" Ichigo let out an uncharacteristic girlish squeal and looked behind him to see that Grimmjow had once again sat up and without warning, grabbed his ass in a firm grasp.

For a moment, nothing was said from anyone, and then, in a low, deathly quiet tone, Ichigo spoke,

"Someone, is going to die."

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**Constructive Criticism and compliments welcome. Flames and Spams will be laughed at.**

**Tropi**


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